Isis in the Sunlight, and Shadow in the Spotlight (1) by Kristyna Dark

Sometimes I just want to stretch out in a sunspot coming through the window and pretend I am taking a nap, completely ignoring the chaos and responsibilities of life, every now and then stretching my body into contortions that make anyone around me wince. When I feel the need for attention, I may find you and give you a soft meow or a gentle purr. Or I may get playful and chase a shadow caused by a blowing curtain. If I am in a mood, I may sit and stare at a spot on the wall until I make you get up to see what I am looking at. Then I will simply sashay away with my tail in the air.

Does this description sound familiar? Anyone who has ever had an encounter with a cat should have their hand raised. This is a part of my inner personality that now and again gets to come out and play. I would love to introduce you to Isis.

I can almost hear that question mark pulsing above your head. Cat …. did she just say cat? Yes, I said cat. But before I offer an explanation, let me tell you about another part of my personality, a beautiful show pony by the name of Shadow Dancer. Shadow has an amazingly long flowing red tail and mane. She wears weighted horseshoes that cause her to perform at peak capacity. She is a 17 hand Saddlebred and trained in formal Dressage, Saddle seat, Hunt seat, and jumping, and can pull a cart with passengers. When she is not in a show ring, she enjoys frolicking and running with other ponies, or trying to stomp her trainer’s foot.

Seriously, you may be thinking, a cat and now a horse? Who is this woman? I fully understand if I have left you confused at this point. Let me try and explain. First, I am not crazy, well … no more so than the average person. Like many, when I stumbled my way into the world of kink I was working in the Corporate World in a position of constant deadlines and stress. I worked 60-to-70-hour weeks and loved what I was doing. But I had never really found a way to decompress. I worked out like a mad woman in the mornings before going to the office or when I had time when I got home. I walked the never-ending hills of Pittsburgh and enjoyed the times when my Dom and I could play at the local Dungeon. Still, on the rare weekend that I didn’t bring work home, but my Dom was busy with his life, I felt this throttled, pent-up energy inside me. I began watching our two housecats and remembered my own cats from when I was growing up. They never looked stressed. Everything happened in their time. No energy was ever wasted on things that simply didn’t matter.

I decided then that I wanted to try an experiment. I needed to find out if what I felt stirring was logically workable. I sat down one evening and wrote out a proposal for my Dom. I explained that I needed a way to destress and find my center. I acknowledged that my request was going to be odd, but I proceeded anyway. I asked him if I could have a set of kitty ears and paws, and a nice long tail. I went on to ask if once I had those, could I then be a kitty for a few hours some weekend when we both were home and had no other plans. I left the letter out for him the next morning, then headed to work. Thirteen hours later I arrived home exhausted and almost at my breaking point. I am confident you know what those days are like. He sent me upstairs to change out of my suit and take a warm shower. When I emerged I found on the bed a box. I remember when I opened the box my heart literally sang. The most beautiful kitty tail and matching ears were under the tissue paper. A small note simply read, “Bring the box downstairs.” Once downstairs he instructed me to kneel, and he tied a rope harness around my chest and waist. He then attached the tail to the waist rope so that it laid gently over my tail bone and fell to the floor. By wiggling my hips I could make it swish. He then handed me the ears and told me to slip them on. As the headband that they were attached to slowly pulled my hair back I could feel myself slipping out of the day and its doldrums and into something that was purely the moment. I won’t say that I felt my humanity slipping away but I can say that I felt the part of me that was a Corporate Powerhouse being silenced. My brain was quieting and the need to go-go-go was slowing. He tapped my right hand with his foot and motioned for me to lift it up to him. When I did he slipped bondage mittens over my fingers and secured them halfway up my arm. After he did the same with my left, I looked down at my new “paws.” Life was silent. I felt a deep sigh exit my lungs, and my body relaxed. He watched as I swished my tail and stretched in a long luxurious manner. My back arched as he gave me a gentle scritch on the butt and I heard a soft purr rumbling up my throat. It was nirvana. The world was silent; he had given me that gift. He went into his office and occasionally poked out to see how I was doing. A few hours later he came back to find me curled up on a blanket he’d left on the floor. I was sound asleep. It was not the fitful sleep that was my usual constant, but deep and calm. I woke slowly as he stroked my back. The tension that I had for so long woken to daily was gone. In that short time I was asleep it was if my body and brain had done a full reset. It was the most amazing feeling I had encountered—so unlike any other sensation I had experienced in my kink journey.

That night, Isis was born. Whenever I would begin to succumb to the stresses of my corporate position and needed a break, even a short break, Isis would be allowed to come out. She is my quiet, my solitude in a world of chaos.

Now that I have introduced you to Isis, let me tell you a bit about Shadow Dancer. Shadow is the very opposite of Isis. Shadow is showy and likes to be seen. She is the part of my personality that is often held back under the guise of “propriety.” She is boisterous whereas I am not. She likes to be the center of attention; I personally could care less one way or another. She is the extrovert that carries me through all of my professional networking at conventions when my true introvert self is screaming to get away from the crowds.

Shadow came to life at my second year attending Camp Crucible. My first year there I found the “Pony Camp” and I was in heaven. These beautiful male and female ponies frolicked with one another when they were not under their trainers’ harnesses. I heard the most gorgeous whinny from across the field and watched in awe as a pony known as Piper pulled her trainer in his cart. She was stunning in her harness, bridal, and bit. That entire afternoon, whenever my Sir and I were away from people, he caught me practicing my whinny. I came nowhere close to that extraordinary Piper Pony. We watched the Pony Show the next day and my mind couldn’t let go of everything I’d seen. My Sir knew that I was hooked, and from that weekend, we began the transition. Over the course of the next year Shadow came into being: first her tail, and then her bridal and bit; the hooves were the last and when they came on, she pranced. Shadow is fearless, the way I was when I was younger. I often wonder what happens as we mature that causes us to lose so much of who we were when we were young. The person that I was in college emerged through her. The difference was that Shadow enjoyed having all eyes on her. She held herself in such a way that people couldn’t help but watch as her trainer put her through her paces: knees always high as her legs worked under the weight of the five-pound hooves. She is pure, undaunted determination.

Stay tuned for Part Two, wherein Kristyna helps you tap into your own ability to transform, to let go, to imagine yourself as any creature ... Ready to TALK about it? Have questions about Isis, or Shadow, or both? Call Kristyna, PEP Lover. You deserve it.

Psst: now thru Nov 1st, book Kristyna's $100/ 60-min Spotlight Special (valid 1x). Get in DEEP. xo